


Graduation

by alwaysparis



Category: Roswell (TV 1999)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Post-Departure
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-20
Updated: 2019-01-20
Packaged: 2019-10-13 07:53:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17484146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alwaysparis/pseuds/alwaysparis
Summary: After Departure Max never heard of his son, but also didn't get back together with Liz. Their senior year went by strained, and now it's their graduation day, and they never really talked about all that happened, and it's time to part ways.





	Graduation

**Author's Note:**

> This little one parter came to me when I was listening to a Brazilian song called "Pra Ser Sincero" by a band called Engenheiros do Hawaii.  
> It's short, sad, Max POV, with no happy ending. 
> 
> It was also written 13 years ago, and it shows.

I feel strange today. 

I don't know why, but I do. 

Like I'm not really here. 

I see you up on that podium and you are so beautiful. 

Your eyes, your smile. 

The way your hair insists in slipping from your cap and falling in front of your face. 

And I am so proud of you. 

Of everything you have achieved. 

I am. 

But I don't know how to tell you that. 

I don't remember going up there myself, but I saw you. 

You talked about our futures and you smiled. 

You talked about Alex and you cried. 

And as I sat here, there was nothing I could do to comfort you. 

 

I no longer have my cap, so I guess the ceremony is over. 

My parents drag me through the throng of recent graduates. 

My mom hugs me. 

My father congratulates me. 

But I'm not really here. 

Isabel didn't come. 

I don't think she could be here when Alex isn't. 

We don't talk much anymore, but I think she's doing ok in LA. 

Living her new life. 

Away from her old one. 

I sometimes wonder if she's back to being the Ice Princess. 

If all the walls went back up with the fall of our friend. 

I spot you across the quad, right as you look up. 

Our eyes cross. 

You try to smile at me, but it doesn't reach your eyes. 

I don't blame you. 

Mine doesn't either. 

My parents open the way and you approach me slowly. 

And at this moment I hate that things between us are so strained. 

We stare at each other for a while, a multitude of hurt running through both our eyes. 

"Hi, Max." you say. 

"Hi, Liz." 

There is silence. 

Our parents greet each other, and I don't know what to say to you. 

"Congratulations on your speech. And on Harvard." 

You try to smile again. 

I want to reach over and kiss your cheek. 

But I think better of it. 

Too much has happened. 

We hurt each other too much. 

We lied to each other for too long. 

You extend your hand and I shake it. 

And even that action is strained. 

"Thank you", you say. 

And you ask me where I'll be next year. 

And I want to tell you that I'll be in Boston too. 

I want to tell you that I'll be studying pre-med. 

And I want to do it knowing you'll be happy to hear it. 

But I know you won't. 

And I don't expect you to pretend. 

We lied to each other for so long, that I don't think we're able to do it anymore. 

So I tell you. 

And you nod. 

You lower your eyes, but it's useless. 

I know what's going through your mind. 

Because it's the same as in mine. 

How did we get to this point? 

I needed control, you needed it too. 

And in trying to make decisions for each other, we slowly stripped the other of free will. 

You slept with Kyle, to keep me away. 

Because you knew me better than myself. 

And I lost myself. 

And I slept with Tess, trying to get it back. 

And I made the biggest mistake of my life. 

I know it's time for me to let go. 

I am sure I have the regret written all over my face. 

Because I was wrong, and I pushed us past the point of no return. 

I don't expect you to forgive me. 

For any of it. 

Not for giving up on you. 

Not for giving myself away. 

Not for breaking my promises. 

Because I promised to believe in you, and I didn't. 

I lost control, and with it I lost my cool. 

And I took it out on you. 

I should have listened instead. 

But I yelled. 

I should have believed you. 

But I didn't. 

And I broke us. 

And now these awkward moments are all we have. 

Maybe you'll be better off away from all things alien. 

Of all things Czechoslovakian, as Maria would say. 

I don't expect you to forgive me. 

But I hope someday we can move past it. 

 

You leave with your parents. 

They're throwing you a graduation party at the Crashdown. 

But I'm not going. 

And I don't think I'll see you again during the summer. 

I don't think you want me to. 

My parents take me back to the car. 

I don't really have anyone else to say goodbye to. 

One of these days, we might bump into each other in Boston. 

And maybe in a couple of years we'll be able to talk about it. 

And maybe then I'll understand when exactly it all went wrong. 

I've thought about it. 

The day at the pod chamber, when we activated the orbs. 

The day I yelled at you. 

The day I slept with Tess. 

The day I told you I loved her in the jeep. 

But I just don't know. 

And one of these days, I really hope our paths will cross. 

And I hope that by then, time will have truly healed. 

And we'll be truly happy to see one another. 

Even if only to say goodbye again.


End file.
